Dilemma Unresolved

I know this one is really long....read it if you like ;)

When your heart starts missing someone the moment you keep the phone down, when you can feel a person so strongly that the distances stop mattering, when you get strong intuitions about a person and those intuitions actually turn out right…..what would you call it???

When you care for a person a lot , you know whatever he/she is doing is probably out of habit or the concerned person is actually in pain….When you know and understand that person completely and feel bad for him/her ….when you decide that you are not going to hurt that person anymore coz he has had more than enough of heartaches in life …yet you always turn up doing things that are going to hurt that person and in spite of knowing it you cannot help it coz you sometimes want to live your life too….how do you stop feeling guilty and cursing yourself???

How do you forget things that make you feel miserable…yet they have been etched so strongly in your heart and mind that they have become a part of your existence….when you know you have wronged and hurt someone and yet you cannot apologize to them bcoz they are no more with you.

What do you do when you know that your mind is the place where it all is and if you bring your mind under your control you can direct it to do as you wish ....yet you find that sometimes your mind refuses to accept your orders and chooses to replay flashes of all the unhappy things that have happened to you???

You know some questions will never be answered in life ….yet you feel getting their answers would probably mitigate some feeling of pain and loss from your heart…..you know the one who has gone will never return back yet there is some stupid hope that someday he might return and say all of it was a bad dream which is now over.

When you know that a person ditches you all the time , makes you feel stupid and idiot …yet that is the same person who can make you happy….you know life with him/her is impossible …yet you cannot imagine your life without them….what to do with this ambiguity of heart.

Why did life have to be so complicated ….and as if that wasn’t sufficient why do people make it worse with their actions and words???

Life's Irony

Life is indeed ironic. It will never behave in the way you have expected it to behave.
It will throw up pleasant surprises at you when you are least expecting them.
But as soon as you start settling down and getting smug in your life ,it will bring up something that will throw your life into a turmoil so that you will again have to work your way back to happiness which sometimes can prove to be the most difficult route .


Most of the times the people who have taught you to be happy will be the ones who will give you agonizing pain and make you cry endless; the people who have taught you to let go off will end up doing things that will make you hold back and wound up.

Hasn’t it happened that the people who taught us to believe were the ones who stabbed us in the back, stabbed us really hard..

Life is indeed unpredictable and full of surprises, sometimes pleasant but mostly unwanted.

Expression

Why does self- expression become one of the toughest things to do sometimes?

Why this constant fear of ur feelings being misunderstood, misinterpreted…and being used wrongly by someone.

Why do feelings which matter the most become your biggest weakness…break u inside …put u in a dilemma?

Doesn’t expressing wat u feel to someone give dat person the power over u…the power to hold u....the power to hurt u…..the power to use u?

How i wish one would not become subordinate to such emotions....which do nothing else except make you weak and helpless and put u at mercy of sum1 else.